her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
