if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
