She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
