Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
