I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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