I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
