I seem to have left my pride at pride
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize