Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tequila makes me forget i have legs
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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