umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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