Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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