good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
