Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
