You smell like stripper and shame
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
