I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
