my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
