if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
