i don't like sucking hair
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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