Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
