someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
