he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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