Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
