I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex on a dog bed..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
