When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
