there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
