I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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