I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
