1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
