Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
