I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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