Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize