dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
