You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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