Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
