Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
