What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
