Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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