whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
