I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
PANTIES FOUND
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