I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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