Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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