New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
