I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
