I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
