I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's always time for handjobs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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