I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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