i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was like eating out sand paper
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
