Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
