I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
