There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
