did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
