god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
