did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
