my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
