It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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