There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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