And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
