if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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