News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She bit a glass in half.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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