She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize