Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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