Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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