just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
