One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
