You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
