where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
