I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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