I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
