I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
