1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
