She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
