I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
