it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
