so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
