Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
