I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
