I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
