I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
