matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize