she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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