Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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