dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize