You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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