i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
