So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Terrible idea I love it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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