I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize