I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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