Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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