awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
