party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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