The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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