I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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