ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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