I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
