the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
