I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
