My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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