I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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