Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize