hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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