Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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