oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
