I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
