I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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