No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have feelings that need drinking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
