I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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