Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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