I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
