i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
