It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
