was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
