Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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